Thom Yorke: who I want to name my child after!

If you don't know this man, why not? I've decided that if I have a boy I kind of like the name Thom or Yorke for that matter; depends on how 'original' Jeff wants to be!

The end.

Funny things part duece

Last night was our first football game, naturally being the junior high cheer coach this means I had to attend. Not only did I realize that I TOTALLY miss watching football, outside under the stars with the smell of nachos floating about me, but I got to hear a lot of silly stuff my students say when they aren't in school.

Me: Oh my gosh girls we have our own flag!
Girl #1: Coach T that was the stupidest thing I ever heard.
Me: Watch what you say I'm also your English teacher...
Girl # 2: OMG we have a flag!
Girl #1: Coach just said that, are you going to fail me?

Other things:

1. We totally just talked about how weird the new kid is and his parents are sitting right in front of us, what should we do????

2. I will be Mrs. Nick Jonas someday.


Me: LADIES, we just scored that means you should cheer!!!
Girls: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH right!!

I'm sure to most people these things aren't terribly funny but you really have to hear how my students say them, sometimes their inflection just makes whatever they say sound hilarious! I've grown quite fond of my students as of late, I think I'm in a good place, of course there are always exceptions but you'll never hear about those....hopefully.

Funny things student say

1. Are we going to be able to use our notes on this quiz? (When we just discussed nearly every question on the quiz before they were handed out)

2. Are you having a bad day Ms. Tutwiler? Is it because we never shut up?

3. So this one time (add in any random story you could ever think of)....that's a true story I swear!

4. WHERE IS THE HAND SANITIZER????? It smells like fruit loops! Can I have some? No really, where is it? You hid it, WHY? I just want one squirt ONE!


And more to come as the year progresses....yes, the hand sanitizer comment did happen...it happens every day.

I'm better than you

Tomorrow is the first day of school, for public school kids that is...it will be my second full week! Which is why I'm better than you, no not better than the one person who reads this blog because let's face it she's awesome!
I'm better because....
1. I've already graded homework assignments for 3 different grade levels
2. I've already planned tests for next week
3. I've had to move kids from one side of the room to the other...because of discipline issues

Basically....I'm amazing. I have done a great job of teaching my students BUT I still have a long way to go...and I mean a long long way. A lot of my students think they can talk and disrupt class without getting in trouble, and that is my fault...but that's changing this week. I've lost my voice so that I sound like a man...There is a lot of adjustment to be done...which means I'm really not any better than you.

ANYWAY
I need to stop hanging around with couples...or seeing couples, I really need to be agoraphobic. Everytime I see a couple my heart cringes, it's that kind of cringe you get when you see that guy who broke your heart with the girl who has a better everything than you...ugh! I feel broken hearted and I haven't even been broken up with....that does make sense I promise. I know I have Jeff, but now that our conversations are becoming less frequent and I haven't seen him since the beginning of May I'm starting to feel REALLY lonely. Don't get me wrong, I love him and nothing is ever going to change that...I'll wait for him to come home, we'll get married and have lots of babies but it's just hard to live day to day without the person you love. Sad day.


Enough of that.

God Forbid

I was watching 20 Most Shocking Unsolved Crimes and as I learned about Jon Benet Ramsey, DB Cooper and how (sadly) we got the Amber Alert there it was: Anthrax. Now for some crazy republicans this would send shivers down their spine and some words like "Thank God George Bush declared this war on terror or else we'd all have the anthrax!" would be uttered. And while I consider terrorism to be truly horrifying and the fact that five people died from Anthrax is no laughing matter; I heard the MOST idiotic thing EVER. Here is (and I paraphrase) what one woman dressed in a business suit I can only assume she bought at Ross said: They targeted the most important people in this country....senators and THE MEDIA!!!

THE MEDIA???? God forbid that we lose the most egotistical people on god's green/brown earth! What would we do without the media? Oh I don't know, maybe we could actually fix what's wrong with our government and the way they relay news to us? Maybe and here is a stretch we could focus on our failing economy instead of what dress the president's daughter would wear on her wedding day?! I understand the media does give us important news; soldiers fighting in a useless war, hurricanes/tsunamis/tornadoes wiping out cities all over the planet but are they really the most important people in our country?

I would hope not.

Jeff

I miss him. Everyone around me has their boyfriend/fiance/husband around them. But I don't.
I want him to come home now!





That is it.

THANK GOD that's done

First day of teaching is now done! I'm so glad that I never have to go through that again...and yeah it was only one day, but I feel like I already accomplished so much. While other people are still anticipating their first days I will be already well into my first year. And that, my friends, is a really good feeling. Nothing really extraordinary happened, no crazy student antics, no discipline issues, overall it was pretty boring. I love my 7th and 8th graders which is something that has taken me totally by surprise! These kids are just excited about everything and you think that would be a bad thing but compared to my 10th graders it isn't!!!!! My 10th graders just sat there, literally, and stared at me like I was a zoo animal. I think high schoolers are just jaded about school and they start to get in this 'I'm way too cool for this' mode. Hopefully I'll break them out of that shell because I am young and I can relate to them better than the older teachers.
It was also nice to be myself for once. Since it was my very own classroom I could be sarcastic and funny; I can implement my own lesson plans without a supervisor breathing down my neck. I really think this year will go well, even if I have to really work with my 10th graders to be more outgoing. Well.... I have some things to put together before tomorrow and I need to get some rest. I'll try to update this as much as possible but with this hectic new year I'm sure my posts will become less frequent.

I am going blind.

And that is no metaphor ladies and gentlemen! I went to the eye doctor today and got some pretty disappointing news...my eyes have changed yet again and as usual its for the worse. Apparently my eyes aren't getting any oxygen in them because of my contacts so my doctor scolded me but I told him that I haven't worn my contacts since last Wednesday, which means there is just something wrong with my eyes. So last time I went they told me I had astigmatism well now they don't know if I have that or its just the vascular growth (due to lack of oxygen) in my corneas that is making my vision blurry. Either way I'm probably never going to be able to wear contacts over 6 hours in a day ever again.
Which doesn't bother me.
What does bother me is that my eyes get progressively worse every time I go to get my eyes checked and eventually I think I'm just going to be legally blind. Wouldn't that be funny legally blind at the age of 30?? I hate not being able to see.
My life sucks.
Not really.
Jeff called today and that was a highlight because I haven't talked to him in a while. He is doing okay over in Kuwait, he says it's super hot and he doesn't like being told what to do anymore. I think being a civilian for 2 years got to him. Huspaz for civilians!

School

The first day of school is Wednesday. WEDNESDAY, for pete's sake!

(Pete Sampras)

In-service started on Thursday and I got so overloaded with information that I didn't know where to start. So I think I'm definitely going to write a book about being a first year teacher and make sure to describe in-service days...because no one ever tells you what in-service is like and no one really cares whether you know whats going on or not! RIDICULOUS! Luckily I'm at a school that does care, everyone has come up to me at least once and asked me if I needed anything. Some people just come around to say hi or check in on my progress. It's really nice to know that the staff I'll be working with this year actually wants to know who I am.

Any who...my mother has started talking 'weddings' again so I think at some point she wants me to make some decisions. She is paranoid that I won't get what I want because Jeff isn't here and our engagement will be super short...yadda yadda. I'm not worried about it, I mean, should I be?

I assume I'll be back on here next week to inform you (technically myself since no one reads this) about my first week teaching!

Bored

I don't know why people go back to those who hurt them. I fought with myself(quite a long time ago) for almost a year trying to figure out if I should talk to someone who broke my heart. Today I can say that I couldn't care less if I talk to that person or not, they no longer have any control over my emotions. And I have to say that is a great feeling. For a while I thought it was because I had Jeff in my life that I didn't need that other person anymore. But now that Jeff is in Kuwait I have realized that I don't need other people who bring me down, and I've done that all on my own. You know how people say you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself? Well I get that concept now. I love myself for who I am and I'm grateful to have someone in my life who loves me unconditionally. Yes, that sounds cheesy...so let's get back to the point.
If someone hurts you, why do you go back?
This post mainly comes from events that I witnessed this weekend. I think it may be a mental disorder sometimes; people love to be hurt. They thrive on it, it's like the kid who disrupts the class just because he wants attention and negative attention is better then no attention. And...that ...is just sickening.
And no matter how much advice I give out, or how many times I tell a person to steer clear of the 'bad guy' they always go back. People always go back.
I just don't understand why.

Punishment

Question to you: Why did America push the prison system?
After watching a program called 'Punishment' on the History Channel, I found out that it was America who revolutionized the prison system. And as the program continued I realized how ridiculous this sentiment was, how did we ever think of letting criminals LIVE in prison? At first, prison was a place you would go to be isolated from society because you had committed a crime. Isolated being the key word in that last sentence. If you look at the prison system now criminals are allowed to congregate with each other, play sports, play music, eat 3 square meals a day...make gangs, fight each other, create a barter system and so forth. It is a community sometimes an extremely corrupt community, but a community none the less.
NOW having said that I must clarify that I do not, in fact, endorse capital punishment. I don't believe in an eye for an eye, like Gandhi said "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind". BUT I do not think that criminals should be allowed to live in comfort however trivial that comfort is. I know that prison is a horrible place, I know that people die because they are the wrong color or they become someone's slave/lover without consent. It is by no means a great place to find yourself. But when I see a documentary on prisoners on TV and they are smiling, they are in better shape then they've ever been in their life...then you realize something is wrong. Should a man who raped and killed women or children or even men be allowed civilities? I don't know.
I think America should start thinking about reforming their system. Including people who are in prison for trivial crimes, they take up space and money that could be going towards greater criminals.
Maybe my view of the prison system is tainted by television, maybe it is worse then what I think. But I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way.

Giving up

I'm almost to the point.
I want to give up.
I was born with two faces
for a while they lived in peace.
But now
it's constant conflict.
The two cannot be one in the same,
I
have
to
separate.
I have to chose.
I have to decide.
Which one?
Which one?
Which one?
But it isn't easy
it isn't like they said.
There is no concrete solution
for the abstraction in my head.
Which one?

Which one.